The curse of positivity

I’m never quite sure what to write in this, but sometimes you just need to take the plunge.

This one is not as succinct as the others.

Now I would like to premise this with the thought process that my beliefs on this are always somewhat contradictory. At times I am highly emotional and feel that it should not be projected, and at other times it’s all about the ‘life is beautiful’, or ‘life is great’ or ‘love yourself’ style motto.

See…like that!

That’s all wonderful, but life is not always beautiful or great. You do, however, just need to love yourself. The last one rings true, forever and always.

I believe we live in a society where there is an undying necessity for everything to be okay, to work out, for things to be great…no matter the struggles and issues that life throws your way. Regardless of the situation, there is always that nagging feeling of ‘ah i can’t be sad, I can’t be struggling, don’t worry, you’re gonna do great’.

You know what, I believe it though… I am gonna do great! Things will get better!

But self-affirmation is not necessary. You can get through things without self-affirmation.

2013

The power of self-affirmation is a great thing, but I believe that over doing it can be dangerous.

For those that know me, I have been around the world and seen many places, lived many different types of lives, and had my fair share of struggles throughout (and good times, but stick with me here). Throughout these struggles there was always that nagging
self-affirmation of ‘ah you’ll crush it, you’ll be great’- which at the time was great, but over a long period of time, became quite dangerous.

Finally, toward the end of my Canada trip, it all came to an end-pass. One day I was in downtown Vancouver, having committed to join a new house whilst being recently without a house … at a price I couldn’t afford. This was feeling closer to desperation, and ultimately was not the best approach – I had accepted too early and put myself under pressure.

‘It’s okay’ I told myself, ‘you got this’.

I repeated this to myself, almost like a mantra, knowing that I could ill afford to live there, and had committed to a place which was way outside my price range. But this is what I had always done, and it had always…kind of…worked. right? This time, I was unable to ‘get this’ – and i started to hyperventilate. All the thoughts running through my head, until it went to a hot, white flush…

Then and there, I had my first panic attack, in the middle of the street, in a city where i was somewhat foreign, on my own, at 11:30 pm. A momentous moment in my life, despite not being a great one (or pleasant for me).

I ended up calling the lovely couple, once i had calmed down, and explained that although I like the place, it just ‘wasn’t for me’ but appreciated the option to see it.

I realised through that situation (and others) that there is a true life lesson which over time has rung more and more true.

There is a better thought process that I say now, more and more often, the more I become more comfortable with myself.

‘It’s okay’

It is okay.

It’s okay to feel the emotion of the time. To be sad, to be angry, to be annoyed. To embrace these emotions, and have the ability to move forward.

The difference between the perpetual self-affirmations and understanding the emotion that you are feeling at the time, and have the ability to embrace it is important. By quashing the emotion that you’re feeling by giving yourself self-affirmations is not doing any good at all.

I was taught from a young age to be positive, so this is a maturing process and always takes time for it to be realistic.

Be yourself, it’s okay.

It is so important to love yourself, to understand the good things that you have going for you, to truly be in touch with yourself. But it is okay to be human, to feel emotion and to move on from whatever you’re feeling.

You got this!

Over and out,

DK

 

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